Unlearned Lessons
One of the most painful moments of my life was surrounded by what felt like a total failure. I was a freshman Bible student at Cedarville University, and had been asked to serve as the freshman class chaplain. The job was to help run the freshman class chapel services, and it would allow me the opportunity to preach God’s Word to my classmates. To be honest, I allowed homework, the fun of college, and everything else to get in the way of preparation for my first teaching. When the day came I was completely unprepared. I still vividly remember standing in front of a thousand peers and having nothing to say. For those of you who know me, you know that was a unique situation!
After a time of opening worship, I was supposed to preach for about an hour, then we were going to worship some more, and I was to close the service out in prayer. Well, things went so poorly, and I was so shaken up after about 15 minutes, that I gave up and walked out of the gymnasium where we were meeting. I swore to myself I would never go back onto campus, I would transfer out of Cedarville…effective immediately, and I would give up on my dream of being a pastor. As I walked through the cornfields surrounding the campus with mud and fertilizer stuck to my shoes, I decided maybe I should become a farmer. This was all happening while the worship team was waiting for me to close out the service…I never did. A sharp worship leader did my job for me.
That was a pretty dark day for me. God and I wrestled through the crisis. How could He use someone like me? How could He forgive someone like me? How could I show my face again on a campus where more than one-fourth of the student body had been witnesses to my most embarrassing moment? I had four more chapel services to go! Then I felt God’s comfort…and His encouragement, His affirmation, but also His expectation. If I were to speak for Him again, I would speak for Him prepared to the best of my ability. If I were given the opportunity to preach and teach, it was my responsibility to steward each second of the time allotted to me, not to glorify myself, but to glorify Him.
Hundreds of sermons later, I think of the mud and muck on my shoes almost every single time I stand to speak. I suppose that terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day served a wonderful purpose in my life. I pray as we do some spiritual spring cleaning, that we pause to remember the lessons God taught us yesterday, or decades ago. Sometimes it can help us remain faithful to the lessons He desires us to learn. I am not suggesting I get it completely, or that I got it 25+ years ago on my most difficult day. But what I can say is, God continues to be my good teacher.
Expectantly,
Shawn
